Be your wonderful self ….it drives the mean people NUTS!!

What a week….do you ever you wonder why people are mean to you ….is it because you are different…different to what ….different to them….?

I was bullied at school so as an adult I have no tolerance of bullies whatsoever and jump in to stand up for anyone who I feel is being bullied ….unfortunately standing up for myself is a different matter….

As I grew up the bullying that had happened to me in my younger years I believe made me act different around people to ensure I was accepted and not stand out, suppressing my natural personality and making me what could be called a people pleaser.

Apparently a people pleaser is a person who puts others needs ahead of their own. They are highly attuned to others and often seen as agreeable, helpful, and kind, but people-pleasers can also have trouble championing themselves - sound familiar?

The problem seems to be that some feelings never really leave you, they lay resting, dormant, waiting for that trigger, the next bully, something that unconsciously reminds you of a situation that affected you in the past.

You can find yourself in a conversation or see something……. a trigger goes off and a feeling you had forgotten about comes flooding back …and the years seem to disappear and you find yourself having a reaction like you did when you first were made to feel that way …..the mind is such a powerful thing.

So in my case the easiest thing to do for my self preservation is to shut down….block it out….but that shuts down not only that feeling but all your emotions, leaving you feeling everything you felt all those years ago and not knowing still how to handle the situation, maybe overwhelmed & numb.

So why do some people seem to make others feel bad? ….I have found over the years its because you are different to them …..maybe your so called difference makes them feel inadequate? None of which you have any control over.

In my case I am naturally happy person, I am chatty and due to my face I smile a lot…..I try not to let things get me down and I try to see the positive in most things & people…

But even my positivity seems to get folks upset …..I have been told I am too nice and my happiness is annoying….these thoughtless comments have definitely affected my confidence…

What then becomes crazy to me is that even by adapting and becoming a people pleaser and being what you think people want is not actually what people want either….you can so easily get lost in who you really are and what you should be ….so what’s the point of even trying to please anyone if no one is happy….especially you?

I feel I want to share something I have never shared before to give an example of how I have been triggered by a situation that took me back to something that in the overall scheme of things was so trivial but so impactful .………

At this point I would like to mention I love to sing and when I sing I have since been told (by a professional) I perform ……

When I was seven years old I was in a choir at school, as I was singing I would have been enjoying the moment and probably jiggling to the music …a right little performer ….at that point I was laughed at and made to feel stupid and embarrassed by some girls in the choir…..I never sang in public again until I was in my 40’s.

At that time I was encouraged by a good friend to join a choir ……the Musical Director was so wonderful and to help me with my confidence I took singing lessons and did some graded exams and went on to achieve a diploma with the London Collage of Music ….and would you believe it was for Musical Theatre ….apparently I am …a right little performer ….if I had not been made to feel so embarrassed and ashamed of my actions at 7 years old who knows my Musical Theatre journey could have started earlier…but that was not the only impact their thoughtless comments caused…..

After I had received my diploma and I had received confirmation from people who did not know me that I could sing, I agreed to do a solo in a concert….this was a big deal…..I started …I got a word wrong …I lost my place…..the choir behind me noticed and fabulously took over and they continued my song until I regained my place, the choir died down and I continued my solo……I stayed on the stage ….I carried on singing….the Musical Director must have seen my face and thought I was going to run….no one in the audience knew that wasn’t supposed to happen, they all thought it was planned as part of my solo and I was actually complemented on how beautiful it was ….me I was devastated….as soon as we got off stage I cried and I cried and I couldn’t stop, I was inconsolable..…I went right back to being 7 years old……I have never sang in public since ……

The bullies from my past had won again…..so even with all the certificates and my love of singing, in my mind that all vanished, I was a 40 + year old woman feeling 7 years old reliving the feeling of being stupid and self conscious … and I shut down. …..my confidence in my ability to perform is again lost….those mean girls won’t remember, or even at the time would have known the affect it would have on me so many years later.

So why am I rambling on about it now….well I was triggered again this week by someone who took it upon themselves to be patronising and make me feel inadequate just because they could not get their own way at that point in time…..the feelings this triggered were awful … I was transported back to god knows where in my past but somewhere I did not want to be.

It seems there are a lot of us out there ….those of us who get triggered by the past, that were subjected to bullying or thoughtless mean people at some time in our lives, some of us lost in the world of people pleasing who put others first and get lost pretending to be something they are not……

If we are affected by triggers from years gone by, we need to share with those we love and love us with no judgement,,,,,,,and find agreement that the behaviour of the bullies and mean people of this world is not acceptable and they have NO power over who we are and how we react - take the love you have inside and around you and push back, be strong, let it wash over you.

I know for myself it won’t stop the triggers…as I said the mind is a powerful thing but holding on to our joy in our own unique way will reduce the impact those triggers and bullies have upon us, it will take away the power from the past and the present and set you free.

So my request to ANYONE that this rambling has resonated with is just be the real you ….

Don't change who YOU really are for anyone ….be confident, be bright, be kind, be everything you want to be, be crazy, be different, be your best self, be joyful, be annoyingly happy, surround yourself with people who love you, animals, nature, love and kindness and happiness…..do what you love to do in your own way…

If you are triggered by someone else’s meanness that takes you back and shuts you down ……just take a breath and remember…… you are perfect just the way you were meant to be….. don’t change you for anyone …..trust in yourself

The inability of people to be as wonderful as you, just the way you are, will drive those mean people just nuts….breathe & smile and remember no one has any power over you …you are your own person and if they can’t live with that, they can jog on….thats their problem not yours …don’t stand back, DO stand out.

BE proud of who you are and the amazing person you have become and will continue to be.

As for my singing……I am sure one day I will sing again….what I do know right now is that when I do I won’t be frightened anymore about how I sound, look or act, I won’t care if I forget a word, those mean girls can just jog on…

Their power over me has been released and I am free.

Whilst you are on my little site, it would be wonderful if you could take time to have a look around and hopefully enjoy my art.

Art moves people in different ways......

I have had a wonderful week this week and I just wanted to share….

I have mentioned on more than one occasion that I do not see myself as an artist but as an imposter …. but this weekend I had my art exhibited along side other artists and it has had a wonderful impact on me.

I met some fabulous artists who made me feel so welcome, we shared experiences and it seems that as an artist its a standard feeling to not appreciate yourself in the world of art….one piece of advice I received and will keep ….. never compare yourself with another artist….not one of us is the same.

Art comes in such different and diverse forms, different mediums, different techniques….two artists can look at the same thing and see it differently and that goes for lovers of your art too….what is wonderful to one person is not worth the paper or canvas it is painted on to another….but that is what makes art so wonderful…..and comparing your art with someone else’s is just something you should never do….you should always just be yourself ….love what you do and create something you are passionate about and that passion will shine through and draw people who love your art to you.

I also love that artists are so kind and willing to share their art journey and their experiences which I always find fascinating, it is always so lovely to listen to and learn from others who have been through the whole cache of emotions you feel as an artist.

I also met some lovely people this weekend who came to view the collection of art at the Art Show and the conversations I had were wonderful…….

I met a lovely lady who told me she was 94 and an artist herself ….she loved my art….she looked at my latest puffin piece ‘Orkney’ and started to tell me a story of how when she was a little girl of around 8 she lived a Bempton close to Scarborough close to where the puffins and the gannets congregate ….she said in those days the gannets eggs were collected and used as food….. one day she had walked down to the cliffs to watch all the activity of the egg

collecting and as she watched she was looking and leaning very close to the edge of the cliff, a man came over and asked what she was doing so close to the edge …..he then gave her an egg and told her to head home ….he was obviously concerned she was in danger ….she took her egg and ran home safe and sound and they had the egg for tea..……this little story from this lovely lady was so sweet, and to think that my art had reminded her of this memory was amazing….…art moves people in different ways and to think my little puffin picture had evoked this memory from this lady has been very powerful to me ….

….it has made me think differently about what I want to do with my art and what I am trying to achieve …..I want to be able to create an emotion for people ….

I want people to see what I paint and not just see the painting but feel something when they look at it …and that emotion will be different for everyone and it maybe nothing or something, it may bring back a wonderful memory or it may take you to a special place…its the emotion evoked that counts.

I am so happy I took part in this Art Show of 10 artists …that I found quite by chance (a small article in a leaflet I just happen to pick up whilst having coffee) I think things happen for a reason and fate sometimes plays a part in our lives to nudge us in directions we did not realise we were going in….so my journey continues…..

….I am so glad you are part of this journey and I love you allow me to grow, develop and share these little light bulb moments that are having a big impact on me…. thank you for that freedom to be me.

Whilst you are here please take a look at my website you hopefully will see the journey I am on in my gallery & shop.... the different ways I am seeing things as my style is developing and evolving ….the style which hopefully evokes an emotion even if it is only in one person….that means the most.

Find your happy place

Hey how you doing……fancy a chat….I love our little catch ups …..I know I am doing all the talking but I do feel that you are there and you are listening and I am loving all the feedback from you about my little blog.

So how have you been….things in my world have been so fast paced and busy recently and I sometimes feel overwhelmed by how much is going on and I keep feeling my little life should be so simple.

My world should consist of hens, cats and painting…..but somehow my little world is growing and I have to deal with suppliers, administration and social media……now I know you can say it is all my own doing and I know that and most of the time it is fabulous and I love how things are organically growing but still sometimes I get overwhelmed.

So how do you deal with it if you ever feel that way? ……I would love to know what your techniques are.

I have a few…..some involve chocolate so probably not sure we need to discuss them….the others are probably more simple.....

….sitting with my hens is one of my favourites they are such in the moment creatures and are always so curious and I do really believe they know when you are feeling down or you have a lot on your mind. I can often be found sitting with my girls and chatting…I am sure anyone passing by our hedge must think I am talking to myself….obviously I am not, there is always one of the ladies listening.

Talking to animals has been proved to help us humans ….I think it is the grounding, the living in the moment taking your mind off things and focusing on the little sentient being that is focusing just on you.

I think I have always used animals as my go to stress buster…I have mentioned before, I was brought up on a smallholding and looking back I don’t think I really appreciated what we had….I mean you don’t as a kid, I wish I had realised how wonderful it was ….I am glad to say I am more like my mum then I thought…….my mums love of her animals the goats, hens, ducks, pigs and the odd cow was amazing and I am so glad it rubbed off......

….I am my mothers daughter….she would be so proud, its times like this when I wish she was here to enjoy my awakening to living a slower paced life …. after years of working hard in the corporate world I am now living my little dream….animals and art…and that is what I need to keep coming back to.

The other stress buster is my art, I am loving my painting so much …and combining art and animals is my HAPPY PLACE ….as you know I only found out I could paint last year….and that has been a game changer in my little life….I think one thing that gets me stressed is that I don’t paint enough….why? …..I just don’t know where the time goes.

So the best thing I can do when I am overwhelmed is to get back to basics….my animals and art….

Where is your happy place…finding what makes you truly happy is important to who you are …so think of what your happy place is and make it happen….make it your goal to be in your happy place as much as possible.

I hope you see my love and happiness for nature in my art ….please take a look at my gallery and shop whilst you are here, I would love your feedback.